Eulogy by Francoise Ko

My Aunt Ko Kwai Fun was a dedicated daughter, kind and gentle sister, loving and caring aunt. She was the most generous and sincere person one would ever meet. Always thinking of others first. Selfless beyond reproach. She never spoke a harsh word of or to anyone. On the rare occasion she was frustrated, though by no means angry, one never saw her lose her temper. She always gave people the benefit of the doubt or found the most positive way of rationalizing even the darkest of situations. Kwai Fun was an idealist and could always see the silver lining around the cloud, no matter how bleak things became. To her, everyone had good intentions. This was likely a reflection of her pure, gentle and kind heart that she projected onto others.

Studious from a young age, she was the consummate academic and intellectual. Throughout her primary and secondary schooling, she was perpetually the top student in her grade every year. She went on to graduate with honors from the University of Hong Kong, followed by a Master in History. She became a teacher at St. Paul’s College and rose to head the History Department where she was respected and well loved by both students and staff. She had a love for history and literature and could always be found with a book in her hand or tucked away in her purse.

Even with a strong intellectual capacity, she never flaunted it. Instead, she was humble, generous with her time and self-effacing. Throughout her life, she was the type of individual who was always first to offer to help others or patiently listen to anyone in need. Her kindness had few (if any) limits and many a times, she would go out of her way to provide assistance, even to her detriment. She would deprive herself, but never consider doing so to others.

She was a very thoughtful individual who never missed a special occasion. There was always a card and a gift to accompany it. What was exceptional about her was that she made a point to remember every person’s individual preferences, whether it was a hobby or favourite colour. She remembered these small details and would make time to find the perfect present each year. In return, she never asked for anything back nor ever had expectations of others. Her munificence had no bounds.

In addition to all these qualities, she will be remembered for the love she had for her family. For those who knew her when she still lived in Hong Kong, she was a dutiful daughter and constant companion to her mother. My first recollection of her was that of a soft-spoken and gentle woman who was a devoted daughter. She was always at her mother’s side, and always close at hand. Even though this happened when I was the age of three, this memory is still vivid.

In 1988, my grandmother came to Canada. Kwai Fun demonstrated her dedication to her family when she resigned from her teaching position in the middle of the school term, and came to Toronto to care for her ailing mother. Later, when grandma was hospitalized, Kwai Fun visited her daily and continued to be by her side from morning 'til night until she passed away.

Kwai Fun will be remembered for her smile. She rarely was seen without it. No matter the challenges life put before her, she faced it all with a smile. It is also rather extraordinary that through all the years, one never heard Kwai Fun complain or have any regrets. Instead, she would find a positive way of rationalizing everything. Ever the optimist, she remained upbeat through thick and thin, while always finding the right words to say in any given situation. She was also patient beyond belief. Her soft-spoken, kind and gentle nature belied her strength in character. She did however have a stubborn streak, though strangely enough, this seemed to only be exploited when it disadvantaged her the most. It was never employed to hurt others.

Despite the fact that Kwai Fun typically dressed plainly, and only occasionally dressed up, she was an attractive woman. She had eyes that emanated her joyful spirit and high cheekbones, enhanced by her delicate smile. Though she was not charismatic in the traditional definition of the word, she had a presence and aura to her that radiated an inner beauty. She always carried herself with grace and elegance.

Interestingly, though she lived Christian values all her life, she did not embrace the Catholic faith until she was in Canada. She was truly accepting of God’s will. She was what one would imagine to be the embodiment of an angel. When one reads the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, it is incredible to realize that she truly lived the values he tells us to aspire to. For those unfamiliar with this prayer, it is as follows:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Depending on how you read her name, it suited her beautifully. Kwai Fun was our delicate fragrance. Even now, like the fragrance of a flower, her presence lingers. Ko Kwai, as many of her friends called her, also means noble, elegant and classy. Ko Kwai Fun was certainly a magnificent representation of both of these poetic depictions. It was our privilege to have known her, and to call her our sister, aunt and friend. Ko Kwai Fun, we love you and miss you dearly. It was our blessing to have known you, whether for many years or even a fleeting moment. You were our living angel. May you now be among these eternal beings in heaven above.

(By Francoise Ko, Kwai Fun's niece)

難捨 by Louella Szeto

桂芬離開我們，轉眼已是一個月有多了，在這個多月來，每當我翻閱我那本記電話號碼的小冊子、揭到寫下桂芬名字的那一頁時，我總不願意把她的名字和電話號碼擦掉，是難捨，真的很難捨、和十分不願意、真的不願意擦掉，連她的電郵地址也是一樣，還存在我的電腦內，沒有刪除！

上星期五、桂芬的家人為她在天主教堂安排了一堂安息彌撒及追悼會，奈何那天我有要事不能抽身到教堂去，無法跟桂芬正式道別！

桂芬，你在人生的旅途上，走了一段不算太長、又不算是太短的日子，而我們相處的時間，實在短暫，真恨不得時光能倒流，好讓我們能重溫相聚的時刻，我跟你雖然稱不上是密友，但從大學時代到現今，我們都相識了有幾十個年頭，而我由始至終都喜愛你接待朋友的那份真誠和熱心，更欣賞你能生長在這個虛浮與庸俗的社會中、可以保持著一塵不染，內心充滿著人世間罕見的真、善、美，不愧是我們同學中的一盞明燈，照亮著我們，現在你回到天父的身邊，相信你已成為神的天使，為神作事，此刻正在天邊微笑地看顧著我們。

唉！不願不願還需願，不說不說亦需說，桂芬，雖是難捨你，也得在此向你說聲：別矣！這只是塵世間的暫別，因為我相信他朝有日在天父的世界裡，我們會再度相逢、為神作事，到那時候，希望你能給予我們指引，正如你在世時一樣。

(Louella Szeto  司徒玉苡 - 寫於二零零九年十二月一日)